I Don’t - Clementine Ford
I Don’t, the latest work from Clementine Ford, is a searing critique of the wedding industrial complex and of marriage at large.
Like many women, I grew up never questioning that I would marry – it was always a matter of when, not of if. As I fast approach my thirtieth birthday, I can surely say that I feel very differently about the idea of marriage now than I did when I was ten or fifteen or twenty-one.
As time has worn on I have become less enamoured and perhaps even a little suspicious of this institution – I therefore went into reading I Don’t with the mindset that I wouldn’t need much persuasion of the inherent issues with marriage.
However, I don’t think I am necessarily Ford’s target audience - this work is just as much for married folk, perhaps even more so. Whether you are happily or unhappily single, happily or unhappily married, engaged to be wed or dating, the fact is that marriage and weddings are an inescapable reality of our world. It is important that we reflect critically on the rituals and ceremonies we partake in, on why we do the things we do. This is where I Don’t steps in.
As I read, I often found myself chuckling aloud in earnest – Ford is witty, and weaves moments of humour into the piece where possible, particularly when discussing issues such as men’s weaponised incompetence. There were also fascinating bites of information about the origin of certain customs – if you’ve ever wondered why wedding dresses are always white, or why engagement rings typically feature diamonds, you’ll find out in I Don’t. These moments of levity are needed when the author explores the more sinister end of this patriarchal continuum, including the exploitation of women’s labour, and men’s physical, emotional and sexual abuse of women.
As I write, the 4B movement (a feminist movement that originated in South Korea, that rejects marrying men, dating men and sleeping with men), is slowly but steadily gaining traction, and the research that indicates that marriage is an excellent thing for men’s finances, health, careers and overall wellbeing – but much less so for women - continues to pile up. It is thus as good a time as any to learn more about an institution that affects us all and to reflect upon the institution of marriage.
Header image via Who Magazine.
